Once Upon a Time Kat ‘O Keefe blessed us with this little tweet:
Naturally, my mind began immediately converting this clever quip into a blog post. Wouldn’t it be funny, I thought. Wouldn’t it be neat if I portrayed my views on the Election of 2016 the same way I portray my views on books? Wouldn’t it be swell?
Thus, I’m introducing my take on the Election of 2016…as if it were a book. In the same format as any ‘ol book review. 🙂
Title: The Election of 2016
Author: The United States of America
Genre: Political Drama, Horror
In 2016, the United States of America is facing a difficult choice.
A choice must be made, and a choice will shake the whole world.
- Mmmkay. Firstly, this book was WAAAY TOO LONG. The novel represented TEN MONTHS of campaigning and therefore is roughly the size of a miniature schnauzer.
- The story diverges into two POVs: Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. Hillary’s POV was actually written rather neatly, but OH MY WORD DONALD TRUMP. His POV rollicked in grammatical mistakes, disgraceful hyperboles, and kindergarten vocabulary. And that’s just the writing style! Not even the content! I get it, the technique attempted to show the idiocy of Donald, but come on:
“Dummy Bill Maher did an advertisement for the failing New York Times where the picture of him is very sad—he looks pathetic, bloated and gone!”
“Our country is in serious trouble. We don’t have victories anymore. We used to have victories, but we don’t have them.”
“You was totally out of control!”
- Grammar wasn’t the only problem the Donald POV struggled with. He was also galloping about in idiocy, bigotry, racism, sexism, etc. Aren’t we supposed to be creating understandable and complex villains now? Honestly. Just:
“I think that putting a wife to work is a very dangerous thing.”
“Grab them [women] by the p—y. You can do anything.”
“Laziness is a trait in blacks. It really is, I believe that. It’s not anything they can control.”
- BUT TRUMP STILL WON?? I mean, ok, yeah. Hillary had an email scandal, so obviously she wasn’t a great choice, not one bit. Plus there were plenty of other signs pointing to her corruptness. BUT DONALD TRUMP WAS AN ORANGE. WATERY BRAINS AND ALL. HIS PLANS FOR AMERICA WERE JUST VAGUE DOODLES. No way millions of American voted for him. Even if they ever did, obviously he would be impeached within a month! 0% realism in this novel. 0%.
- A what was with the random plot twists??? Okay so this FBI director announces: New Hillary Clinton emails! OMG! Then 20 pages later he sneaks in with a: Just kidding. It’s fine. Uhhhh…what the heck? How is this helpful to the plot?
- I don’t know what those random side characters were doing in this book. What were their names even? Garrett Clayson? Jessica Simpson?
- The ending was awful. The villain won. While his idiocy was entertaining through the beginning and middle of the novel, his success at the finish line just left me with a hollow hole of a heart. And now we have to wait 4 years for a sequel to see how much he screwed it up 🙄
- Literature hold power. Literature pounds impact. Fictional worlds set a precedent for the reality of generations. So when a novel represents a man who has said blatantly racist words and done blatantly racist actions as a presidential candidate—and then president? When a novel represents a man who has bragged about sexual assault and been accused of it by a dozen women? And a substantial of the fictional Americans don’t care? That affects reality—certainly not positively. Not cool.
Awful writing—my journal from first grade is superior in quality. Ridiculous villain—at least Voldemort was believable. NO REALISM—as if this election would ever actually happen! Depressing—Edgar Allen Poe’s work supplied more faith in humanity than this novel.
ZERO STARS. ZERO.
WOW THANKS!
Oh my gosh, you’re so sweet and lovely THANK YOU!
Oh my gosh, this is so creative and accurate… love it! x
[…] Becca @ Becca and Books […]
WOW I LOVE THIS!
Why THANKS! It affects the whole world in a way, doesn’t it 😞 We were forced, and there’s nothing to make you hate a book like being forced to read it.
I live in the US! No, but I know Malayalam (my mom’s from Kerala)
WHAT A SWEET COMMENT IT IS! It truly was. You read the whooooole book and the ending is just a poop. And no realism! NOne! Hopefully the sequel will be better 🙄
AW MICHELLE I LOVE YOU. I hope it brings a chuckle or two 🙂
LMAO BECCA I LOVE YOU. We could use posts like this.
WHAT A CLEVER IDEA IT IS! I completely agree with you though, what an awful ending?! It’s like a bad, bad plot twist that is so unrealistic. It’s the unthinkable. And why do we need to wait for 4 years for the sequel? The wait would be insufferable </3 ugh and yes, one of the MC has such a bad personality I'm not even sure why he is THE MC though…. great post!! ❤
Oh my god this is AMAZINGGGG! I’m like, all the way over here in India, and I still threw up in my mouth a little when I read this book. I had a choice, though, you guys were forced.
Anyway, I love your blog, and this post might just be Exhibit A, and I just started my own TV and Books blog. Show me some love maybe?
Also, where do you live? Do you know hindi by any chance?
Most Welcome friend.
I’m so glad, Silanur! It warms me to hear that
Thanks!
Aw, yay! I KNOW. FOUR YEARS. I totally agree about needing a new cast of characters 😉
*hugs hugs hugs hugs*
My response to your comment: AW YAAAAAAAAAAY. I’m so happy if I could make anyone smile for a bit ☺️
This really meant a lot to me Becca, I love it. I’m sharing it with my friends ❤
Love your articles.
You made me both cry and laugh, Becca! I didn’t enjoy this book either, and I can’t believe we’ll have to wait for four years for a sequel. I truly hope that all the main characters will be different in the sequel, because it would definitely be refreshing to read about someone with actual ideas, and maybe a little younger, too? (That totally sounded ageist, and that wasn’t my intent)
Great review! {{{HUGS}}}
This was a much needed laugh. Thank you 💖
My response to this: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAS !!!
I think this is the perfect post to make heavy hearts and puffy eyes laugh a bit. Such a great initiative Becca ❤
Thank you so much for reading this ❤️ The humor in my post is actually because I wrote most of it before the results of the election were in and we all thought it was hilarious that Donald thought he would be president…and now the humor’s just helping me cope!
Thank you so much for writing this. I love how insightful and funny you are! 👍
That is basically the perfect comparison. Good thing we readers have read so many dystopians—we know exactly what to do!
Thank you😊
Thank you! I’m so grateful you think so 😊 *HUGS!!!!*
Well I am so glad!*suffocates you with hugs* *showers you with tissues*
The world is turning into a much more darker version of the dystopian worlds we read about.
Much needed post!
This is brilliant 🙂 And this was much needed. Thanks so much for this. I needed a laugh, and I think everyone else does, too. Hugs all around. It’s gonna be okay. We’re gonna be okay 🙂
Nice. 🙂 You made me laugh when I needed it. Thanks! I totally agree with your review.
And I need both a hug and a heaping box of tissues…
Here’s a hug for you *hugs*