“GAH. WOE IS ME. I SHALL DIE WITHOUT AT LEAST TWO PECAN PIES.”
We’ve all got a dollop of drama queen within us. (Me, I’ve been told, a little more than others.) That’s what makes life sparkle! Some book titles, in fact, could do with a few more dollops of drama. You know, just to keep things bubbling. So I’ve rewritten some titles to let the novels’ true dive selves shine.
Can you guess the YA book by the overdramatic title?Read More »
Hi, I’m Becca! I suffer from book series memory loss 😦
All book-bosomed buddies know the agony:
Book 1 releases. You read book 1. You love book 1!
One year later: Book 2 releases. You begin book 2. But then you realize:
How the heavens are we, hard-working, worn out ‘lil bookworms expected to remember everything from book 1 when when read book 2? Or book 3 or book 4?
Well, my coconut-crusted chums, I’ll tell ya how with the help of my handy friend: SCIENCE!!!
Once Upon a Time Kat ‘O Keefe blessed us with this little tweet:
Naturally, my mind began immediately converting this clever quip into a blog post. Wouldn’t it be funny, I thought. Wouldn’t it be neat if I portrayed my views on the Election of 2016 the same way I portray my views on books? Wouldn’t it be swell?
Thus, I’m introducing my take on the Election of 2016…as if it were a book. In the same format as any ‘ol book review. 🙂
BOO!
YOU’RE SO SCARED, RIGHT? I know, I know. I’ve been told I’m a truly intimidating person. It’s alright. Dry your eyes, calm your beating heart, and prepare yourself—you’re going to be just as spooked throughout this whole post, cause it’s bookish ouija board time!
Read More »
Dancing With the Stars! Cha Cha! Waltz! Jive!
NOW LET’S BOOKIFY IT!
I mean, haven’t you ever asked yourself: which bookish stars would be on DWTS? And who ever would their partners be?
Thank goodness my astoundingly intelligent and imaginative brain is here to answer such questions. You’re welcome.
After, you know, living, Harry’s got to do something else to keep his fame up.
Oh look! DWTS! How convenient!
And since poor Harry grew up without a mother, who better to partner with than the motherly Allison Holker!
While it might not be the safest idea to combine Maks’ temper and an actual assassin, it sure would make for good TV!
Well, well, well! Wouldn’t this be quite the humorous, youthful pair!
And after saving the world and all, I’m sure our favorite captain would love to test his flirting dancing skills.
Our “cheery” Hunger Games champion would surely love to participate in a competition that doesn’t involve fighting to the death!
And there would certainly be some spicy entertainment watching Katniss attempt to maim Derek Hough while he continues to be the perfect gentleman. Spicy indeed.
Dumbledore needs a break from all that headmaster-ing, doesn’t he?? And who better to help him through DWTS than Emma Slater! (a.k.a. the one who gets that one old guy every time)
According to the blurb of The Winner’s Curse, Kestrel has two options: join the army or get married.
I. BEG. TO. DIFFER.
There’s also Dancing With the Stars! And there’s no one like the kind and noble Artem to tango with the sly and sweet Kestrel.
Has Apollo got anything better to do than dance?
Well, since being forbidden from Mount Olympus and de-godded by Zeus, NO.
So it’d sure be fun to watch Apollo stare at himself in the mirror while Lindsay tries to actually teach him how to waltz!
Sooner or later, our dear Andie’s going to have to do something other than walking dogs.
OH. I KNOW.
She can quick step right out of being the politician’s daughter and right into winning DWTS. And since poor Sasha has yet to win the mirror ball trophy, he needs a real competitive spirit to help him get there.
I mean, if you can survive on Mars, you can survive DWTS, right?
Humph. Well. Maybe with Cheryl Burke by your side!
Perfect!
Now America can add Gleb to the list of men she can’t decide if she wants to marry and we can want to kill her EVEN MORE :))
Sure, Percy can defeat the Titans and save Mount Olympus, but dancing?? Maybe not one of his talents…
Whether he wins or not, Witney’ll be sure that he has a jolly ‘ol time!
Princess Winter is…well…a bit…
Val, however, is very much grounded in reality. And with Winter’s graceful princessness, they’ve got a sure chance for winning!
William Snark + Sharna Snark = LOTS OF SCRUMPTIOUS SNARK
William Dancing + Sharna Dancing = LOTS OF SCRUMPTIOUS DANCING
Snark + Dancing = LOTS OF SCRUMPTIOUS TV
The brain of the bookish monster is a mysterious and dangerous force. But, the mighty ME has decided to take a step towards the betterment of mankind and analyze the bookish brain. HOW???
SCIENCE!
{Disclaimer: This post is 89% satire, 24% Disney gifs, 5% seriousness and intelligence. Hahahaha just kidding. We’re all mad here.}
Hi, my name is Becca and I’ve been suffering from Book Commitment Issues (BCI) for ninety-eight years.
But I now know that I’m not alone. Readers across the world are pushing past this disorder, and we can too. But first, you must know if you’ve really got BCI. How can you tell? Not to worry chums, the questionnaire below will certainly shed some light on the subject.
If you’ve done one or more of the actions listed above, I’m afraid to tell you, you’ve got BCI. But don’t panic! No panicking necessary! Just follow my step-by-step recovery below.
Congratulations! If you’re reading this post, you’ve already completed step one. You know you’ve got a problem—that you are currently powerless to BCI—and now you’re ready to punch that problem in the face.
Lightly.
Violence is not the answer.
Don’t let BCI control your bookish life!
The road to recovery starts with one book, my friend.
Let’s think back to our questionnaire. It lists all the symptoms of BCI, and so, we must erase them. Once the symptoms are gone, the disorder is gone. I think.
You’ve done it! You’ve defeated BCI! And, uh, if you haven’t…um…
Do you suffer from BCI? Not after this post, I hope! Though this post is entirely satirical, ‘Book Commitment Issues’ are still soooooo annoying. How to you cope with it and/or cure it?
Also, which Disney gif is your favorite? I simply can’t decide.
Any other readerly problems you’d like me *pats back* to cure?
Finding your favorite Starbucks drink is easy enough, but searching for a book genre to match? Why, Quantam Physics is practically simpler!
Not to fear, chums. My handy list is about to make your life much easier, much sweeter, and much more caffeinated.
Are you a fan of that bursting bubble of icy sweetness in your mouth? Then why not have the same flavor in your books!
Some fluffy contemporary books are for you, friend!
If you crave a sohpistcated drink with a subtle sweetness, have a taste of a few historical fiction books.
When your literature takes you into history, it often soaks you in intelligence and romance as well.
Mmm, the warmth and comfort of the white chocolate mocha leads your taste buds on an bursting, heated adventure as you sit by the fire.
Do you know how to mimic such emotions? Just read a high fantasy novel!
Night and day, you crave a serious and intense taste that can keep up with your mind. Not to fear, chums. Horror is the genre for you!
You’d like something cold and strong, of course, but with a touch of sweetness, of humor.
That’s why you’ve been made for the supernatural genre!
What genre shall you be reading next thanks to this amazing, holy, worship-worthy helpful list? Or is it the other way around, do you have a couple new Starbucks drinks to order? What would you choose to complete this list? Have your read any of the books featured or drunken and drinks listed?
Let’s have a little talk about bookworms.
Superhuman reading powers? We’ve always had ’em.
Finger and hand strength from holding up hardcovers for HOURS? Yup.
But other than that, many of us don’t get much excercie. Nothing to be ashamed of, since excercie is stupid and sweaty and reading and lots of food is much better.
NOT TO FEAR MY BOOKISH FRIENDS! I found a handy solution: YA Book Workouts!
Basically, you can read and gain abs AT THE SAME TIME. Is this not the best thing?? Are you super duper intrigued?? Then, please chums, see below. 🙂
Now go forth, my children. Pick up a YA book and try it. Go ahead. You’d be amazed at the muscles you’ll gain just by reading!
Have you got more brains or biceps? You’ve got both now, right? What are your favorite/most hated YA tropes? Favorite exercises? Chat away, chums!
The Holy Bible and YA Literature are so remarkably different, you couldn’t possibly confuse the two, right? I mean, there’s just no way. Riiiiight???
Well. Play along, O yee of little faith, and we’ll see! They might not be as different as you think…
Let me break it down for ya:
Sounds fun, right? It is. It’s fun. Let’s go.
“Let us eat and drink, for tomorrow we shall die.”
Bible or YA Book? Guess guess guess!
Answer: Bible! I started off easy for ya. You’re very welcome.
“When the world brings you down, lift your voice up!”
Bible or YA Book? Are you guessing? Keep guessing!
Answer: It’s the Bible again! Did I get you? I got you, didn’t I???!!
“Live! Live the wonderful life that is in you! Let nothing be lost upon you. Be always searching for new sensations. Be afraid of nothing.”
Bible or YA Book? Just keep guessing, just keep guessing, just keep guessing, guessing, guessing.
Answer: The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde! That wasn’t too hard, was it?
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged.”
Bible or YA Book? C’mon. This one’s easy.
Answer: Yep. It’s the Bible!
“Child, no one is ever ready for anything. I would never doom you to that. What sort of adventureless life would that be?”
Bible or YA Book? You’re almost to the end of our guessing game, you’ve got to be a pro now!
Answer: Enchanted by Alethea Kontis. You got that one, didn’t you? Of course you did, you’re so super smart!
“And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.”
Bible or YA Book? This is it! This is the finish line!
Answer: East of Eden by John Steinback. Sure, I’ve made this a little tricky. But you’re just too clever for me, you’ve gotten them right every time, haven’t you? 😉
Voila! You did it! How’d ya do? Calculate those score and tell me in the comments how many you got right! Compare and see who’s destined to be a scholar 🙂
Becca & Books 