Snapchat Filters + Book Covers = My Worst Idea Ever

This post will be a horrific waste of time.

Why lie, you know? It’s going to be ridiculous and atrocious. It might maybe possibly make you laugh. Out of pity. 

STOP READING THIS. Watch Gilmore Girls. Count peanuts. Give your Basset Hound a manicure.

Okay, for those of you incredibly stupid heathens still tagging along (for the sake of procrastination, I assume) here you go. Cringe away:


BUT THIS PERFECTLY DESCRIBES THE BOOK.

The (new and frightening) cover can be interpreted manyyyyy ways, just like the book:

  1. Girl is hiding the fact that she’s a unicorn.
  2. Book is making fun of girl for her anxiety by calling her a unicorn.
  3. Rainbow upchuck is fun!


Yes, that’s good. Cover that bloody nose right up. Because ew.


This is actually ingenious because:

  1. Celaena is cover girl and Celaena slays
  2. Celaena is slaying queen 
  3. Queen Celaena


When in doubt,  have a snapchat double-selfie with yourself!! Best cure for loneliness! Guaranteed!

Thanks for wasting your time with ME, chums! I so very much appreciate it!

On a scale from 1 to bookish face-swapping, how would you rate your pain/horror while reading this post? Which filter scared you the least? And show me your disgusting beautiful snapchatted book covers in the comments!

Unanswered Bookish Questions! (So Basically ENDLESS AGONY)

The side effect of reading is curiosity. And the side effect of curiosity is UN-ENDING AGONY BECAUSE NO ONE CARES.

(Except Google. Google cares.)

So here’s a list, a short one, mind you. It tells of all the unaswered bookish questions a bookish person might have. Specifically me. 

However, it doesn’t have a single answer. Because LOL I DON’T KNOW EITHER.

  • Where is old book perfume? How do I buy old book perfume? OLD BOOK PERFUME???
  • Why is it that I spend more on bookmarks than Kim Kardashian does on earrings and yet every time I need to stop reading, an old receipt/a pen/a banana/a decaying body ends up between my pages instead?
  • How to kill reading slump except without violence or any movement because lol all I want to do is take a nap? How?
  • How to host funerals for fictional characters?
  • How to track down authors and force answers to unanswered questions out of their smug little mouths?
  • How to eat Nutella and also read? Without apocalyptic mess??
  • How to make a book a personal pet? What food does it need? Is a cage required?
  • How to make a dress out of books? 
  • How to not get arrested for stealing books?
  • Are dead fictional characters in heaven?
  • Can I make my dog eat read books?
  • Are books tasty? Or should I add whipped cream?
  • How to memorize my favorite books? All the words? All of them?


Do YOU have answers to any of these questions? TELL ME, CHUMS! I NEED CLOSURE! How many bookmarks do you have? Do you read and eat or have you given up? Have you trained your dog to read?

Bookish Conversation Starters For the Bookishly Challenged

Here’s how friendship works in the bookish world:

You read books.

I read books. 

LET’S BE FRIENDS.

It’s a trick sort of logic but it works. Now, if you happened to be born without the literary gene, befriending a bookworm may turn out to be particularly tricky. Fret not, chums. I’ve got you covered.

 

  • How does one read?
  • Can you recommend any books for people into insert interest here?
  • Oh my gosh! That book cover is so pretty! If you were to design a book cover what would it look like?
  • I love that bracelet! What book inspired it? Did you make it?
  • I break the spines of all the books I read. (This will get a conversation going, but certainly not a friendship)
  • Do you like writing?
  • Oh, what’s NaNoWriMo? Can I join?
  • Do you want some bookish candy? (The answer is yes. Do not even ask this question. It’s redundant)
  • So what couples do you ship the most?
  • What do you want for your birthday? (GUESS WHAT IT IS BOOKS)
  • Where do you get all your bookish merchandise?
  • Can you recommend me a monthly bookish subscription box?
  • What are your bookish role models?
  • What book got you into reading? WAS YOUR LIFE EVER THE SAME? (Nope. The answer is nope.)
  • Wow, so what are your favorite booktubers and book bloggers?
  • Hey, should I check out Becca and Books? (Ahem. Yes.)

I hope that helped, my lovely little book-virgins. Ask me any of the questions above, let’s get the conversation flowing! 

    I Hook Myself up to an Imaginary Lie Detector! | Get Up Offa That Slump: Blogging Extravaganza 

    Here’s the scrumptious blurb of the scrumptious extravaganza by Rachel @ Beauty & the Bookshelf:

    Hiiiiiiiiii, wonderful people of the universe! Welcome to DAY ONE of Get Up Offa That Slump: A Blogging Extravaganza! This extravaganza is three-week long partay consisting of blog posts that will hopefully do a number of things: get you back into blogging and remind you how fun and creative blogging can be. To learn more about this shindig (all the cool kids are doing it, just an FYI), you can check out the introduction post here and join in anytime.

    I AM LATE. But yesterday was Interview with oneself so here I am, chums.

     

    Becca 1.0: State your full name.

    Becca 2.0: Rebecca Lilliana Stevenson

    Becca 1.0: Liar.

    Becca 2.0: No.

    Becca 1.0: You’re lying.

    Becca 2.0: No.

    Becca: 1.0: Becca.

    Becca 2.0: Shh.

    Becca 1.0: Becca, come on.

    Becca 2.0: OKAY FINE. My parents didn’t give me a middle name. So I unofficially christened myself. MOVING ON.

    Becca 1.0: Why have you been so inactive in the blogosphere as of late?

    Becca 2.0: Not that I have to explain myself to you or anything, but I’ve been at ballet rehearsal every night and learning things every day. I also have an improv show coming up in a week SO. 

    Becca 1.0: What are your pet peeves? 

    Becca 2.0: Lovely Hispanic people assuming I speak Spanish. Lovely people assuming I am Hispanic. SPOILER ALERT: I am not Hispanic.

    Becca 1.0: Well, what are you then? What languages do you speak?

    Becca 2.0: I am half-Indian, half-white, a lovely combination if I do say so myself. I speak my mom’s language of Malayalam, which you have never heard of (don’t lie) and am learning to speak French. I also speak English. FYI.

    Becca 1.0: What are some of your favorite things?

    Becca 2.0: *raindrops on roses* Ahem. So. Books & ballet & basset hounds & Broadway. And potatoes and PIE. And alliterations.

    Becca 1.0: Do you have any siblings?

    Becca 2.0:  Yes. A sister. She used to be super mean to me and now she is sometimes okay. Everyone likes to tell me how pretty she is. I never tell her this because I think her self-esteem is above the healthy amount already. Here is a picture I made of her with Enjorlas:

      

    Becca 1.0: Mayhaps we should stop. This is getting a little out of hand

    Becca 2.0: It’s over when I say it’s over.

    Becca 1.0: But…I’m you so if I say—

    Becca 2.0: It’s over.

    I CHALLENGE YOU TO LIE DETECTOR YOURSELF! JOIN THE EXTRAVAGANZA!



    Book Cover Face Swapping! (SORRY LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA)

      

    P. S. I Still Love You by Jenny Han & Throne of Glass by Sarah J. Maas

    Ew what.

    Not a horrific start! I would have been far more pleased if they were both facing the same angle, but hey, you can’t have it all.

      

    Ms. Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs & Soundless by Richelle Mead

    IT DIDN’T EVEN SWAP THE FACES IT JUST REARRANGED THEM DISGUSTINGLY. 

    Just…why are there two faces on Soundless but a void of greenery on Ransom Rigg’s book…?

    This app is crap.

      

    The Winner’s Crime by Marie Rutkoski &  The Glittering Court by Richelle Mead

    Someone stop me.

    Let’s be honest, there have been worse face swaps.

    Probably.

      

    The Imposter Queen by Sarah Fine & Winger by Andrew Smith

      

    I present to you…the most successful book-cover-face-swap in all of history.

    THIS IS BOTH HILARIOUS AND EERILY PERFECT.

    I don’t mean to sound arrogant or anything, but I’m pretty great.

      
    The Bane Chronicles by Cassandra Clare & The One by Kiera Cass

    Ayayayayayayayay

    I was hopping Magnus Bane would help me finish with a bang…oh well. The previous face swap makes up for all the rest.

      
    Lin-Manuel Miranda, I’m sorry for blatantly ignoring all your tweets of horror at the sight of face swaps. I’m perpetuating the problem. Teehee.

    Book covers everywhere, I’m sorry for patronizing you beauty and lovely superficiality. 

    What atrocious hilarious combinations of social media and literature would you like me to explore next? Which face swap made you feel the least amount of horrific pain?

    Bookish Characters for President! (We Make Fun of Donald Trump a Lot)

      

      

     Hillary Clinton → Lia from The Naturals.

    Hillary Clinton’s track record? Not exactly perfect with the cell phones and emails and the etc. So the whole honesty thing? Not her best feature. Ergo, the bookish character to take her place would be Lia from The Naturals, our favorite pathological liar. With her liberal views and her loyalty, those two are practically twins!

      
    Bernie Sanders → Dumbledore from the Harry Potter books.

    THE TWO ARE BASICALLY THE SAME.

    Bernie? Let’s fix the world (or at least America)! Dumbledore? Let’s fix the world and stop Voldemort! See any difference? Neither do I. 

    There’s even a Name that Quote: Bernie or Dumbledore Edition. That’s how hard it is to tell them apart. They are the same persons. Just slap a beard on Sanders.

      

      
    Jeb Bush → Adam from Shatter Me.

    Nobody loves Adam. Nobody truly hates him either. He’s boring. He’s low energy. He doesn’t quite excite.

    Ahem. Sound familiar? 

      
    Ted Cruz → Matthew from Anne of Green Gables.

    Do they have anything in common? Hardly. BUT. They were both born in Canada.

    So.

    Ha.

      
    Marco Rubio → Frank from Since You’ve Been Gone.

    What’s the first word that comes to mind when you think of Marco Rubio? Pristine-debater-dad-person. Obviously. What’s the first word that comes to mind when you think of Frank? Pristine-debater-person. Close enough.

    Also, I thought it would be hilarious to see a Presidential candidate next to a fluffy book cover with tumblr girls. So there’s that.

      
    Donald Trump → Donald Trump.

    There is no one like this man, fictional or not. Thank Goodness.

     

    It’s the puncutation that gets me.
     

     

    Ok but tbh me as a presidential candidate.
     

    What political-bookish relations currently full your satirical little mind? Who are you voting for? 

    The Way to a Raging Reader’s Heart 

    There are many ways into a bookworm’s obsessive, fangirling little heart. 112% include books. Who would’ve guessed!

    There are also things you should never do. These things will cause books to be hurdled at your face. There is a 113% chance that if you do these things you will never go on a date with any reader. Sorry.

    Aren’t you glad I’m here to help.

     

    •  Flowers are pathetic. They wilt. They die. But books? As long as you keep them away from heathens, they last forever. Forever. Ergo, give your one true reading love a bouquet of books. I don’t just mean a bunch of books smashed into a gift bag. I mean a bouquet. One arranged and skillfully wrapped, preferably adorned with boxes of chocolates.
    • This is simple, but CRUCIAL: Read their favorite book. It doesn’t matter if you hate it, (But I mean if you actually want to go out with then you’re going to have to fake it) you just have to read it. This might seem meaningless to you, but the ability to discuss fangirl and flail with another will seem monumental to them.
    • A reader’s life is very busy. Firstly, they’ve got actual life which is tremendously inconvenient. Secondly, they’ve got so many books flooding their shelves, many of them yet to be read. Here’s the thing about those shelves—dust happens. No matter how often the said reader goes and reads those books or rearranges those shelves, dust triumphs. Solution? Become a bookshelf-dusting slave. If you’re on a roll you can clean their bathrooms too.
    • And finally, buy them a used bookstore. This might seem a little excessive. It is. But if you’re truly rich in love with this reader of yours, then this is a lovely gesture for Valentine’s Day. Or Christmas. Or their birthday. Or Groundhog’s Day. 

      

    • A reader’s mind revolves around books. That’s sort of the point. Because of this, they have many outlandish bookish ideas, such as a bouquet of book. What should you do? Accept this. Bookworm’s are crazy. We are aware of this. Do not scorn their bookish ideas. Do not mock them. Do not even playfully tease them. Reader’s are skilled at revenge. I say this for your own safety.
    • It doesn’t matter if it’s a priceless book or just from the library, don’t ever damage any book ever. Okay, accidents happen. I may have gotten a little Nutella on some pages once. But never carelessly throw around books like they’re meaningless. Someone spent years to create that masterpiece, and the least you can do is respect it.
    • Dusting books for a reader is great! But do not move a single book. Do not, under any circumstances, reorganize their bookshelf. That’s like reorganizing their brain. Or their heart. Or their large intensitie. It’s painful and unnecessary and DON’T DO IT.
    • 89% of what a reader does revolves around books. So don’t be an idiot and not not take them to a bookstore as a date. Sure, a movie might seem like fun for you. Truth be told, it’ll probably be fine for the reader as well. But a bookstore? That’s magic. 

    Look at that! You have all you need in order to woo the reader in your life, and just in time for Valentine’s Day. You’re welcome.

    Are you a reader or have you/are you dating one? Are my lists 114% accurate. (Of course they are. Don’t be ridiculous.)

          Why You’re Actually in a Relationship With Every Book You’ve Ever Read

           Don’t panic.

          Every bookworm had gone through the same process, whether wittingly or unwittingly. It just so happens that this process—reading—is identical to another process you might go through: a relationship. Of the romantic variety. With humans.

          I’m linking this up with the book courtship tag because I’m sneaky like that.

            

          You were just passing by. You were in a hurry. But then—you see it. Through the bookshop’s window it glows. It’s beautiful. It’s alluring. You don’t just want the book, you need it.

          Sound familiar?

            

          Darn right it does.
            

          Doubt has vanished. Doubt is gone. Now that you’ve read the blurb of that beautiful book—you’re in a trance. You must start reading now, there’s no going back.

          Sound familiar?

            

          Darn right it does.

            

          The words are as beautiful as the cover. They’re charming, they pull you in, they don’t let go. 

          Sound familiar?

            

          Darn right it does.
            

          The first book was good. No—the first book was you heart and soul, your fire and passion. The first date isn’t enough. You need more. You need to read the next book in the series, then the next and the next, you need it to never end.

          Sound familiar?

            

          Darn right it does.

           
           You can’t sleep. You won’t. You must stay up, reading and devouring. You read more and more, forever in fear of the end. Sleep beckons. You ignore. Again.

          Sound familiar?

            

          Darn right it does.

            

          You can’t stop thinking about the book. You can’t work, you can’t think, you want to read, you must read. This beautiful book has taken over your life.

          Sound familiar?

            

          Darn right it does.

            

          Your mother. Your father. Your sister. Your uncle’s lawyer’s goldfish. You’re introducing this book to everyone, everyone must know. 

          Sound familiar?

            

          Darn right it does.

           

          We all have to move on. It’s time. You put that precious book, that precious series away on the most beautiful spot of your shelf. It takes time. You fall into a reading slump, thinking you’ll never read another book that good. But you will, my friend. There are plenty of fish in the sea.

          Sound familiar?

            
          Darn right it does.

          So you’ve been in a relationship with a book. Multiple times. Don’t worry, it’s normal.

          Actually, no it’s not. It’s really weird and very fetish-y.

          But hey, that’s the life of a bookworm.

          Have you ever been in a relationship with a book? (Yes. Denial isn’t healthy.) What was your last book breakup? (The longer the series, the worse it is.)

          10 Weird Things Bookworms Google PART 2

          Check out the first 10 Weird Things Bookworms Google here!

            

          Okay, so Pottermore insists I’m a Hufflepuff. I refuse. I am a Raveclaw. I am a Raveclaw by choice.

          Wait, but is there actually a rigged Pottermore…?

           
          Feet fetishes? Pshh. None of that. But the old book scent/spray/candle/perfume? Yes, please!  

          All of them. Together. This is the tough one, see. 

            
          Always. 

          (This does not qualify under “weird” but it certainly qualifies under things bookworms google.)  

          Firstly, they must be free. Secondly, it must be the bookshop the whole bookshop nothing but the bookshop. With all the books. Everything. For our private collection, of course.

            

          So many awful lines in that show, SO MANY. Honestly, all us bloggers should be writing that script. Imagine! It would be legendary!

            
          CPR? Ritual revival? Perhaps we could just not read the book, but that’s hardly an option.

            
          We can’t just leave our books unprotected, someone could steal them all at anytime!

            
          Confession: I haven’t read The Lord of the Rings. But I am desperately running out of ideas.

            
          Some things just never change.

          Have you googled any of these things? (That was a redundant question. Don’t lie, don’t make it weird.)

          If Characters sent Christmas Cards | Percy Jackson Edition

          Can you picture it?

          Annabeth sitting by the fire, placing stamps on all the holiday greetings she’s about to send back to Camp Half-Blood. 

          Well, I could anyway. 

            
          It’s blue.

          Get it?

            

          The Pic Collage Watermarks really add the extra flair, don’t you think?

            

          Image source for Leo’s face: Viria

            

          Sorry. 

          Well, not really.

          Hopefully you enjoyed these bookish, percyish shenanigans.

          Comment!

          Please.