Unanswered Bookish Questions! (So Basically ENDLESS AGONY)

The side effect of reading is curiosity. And the side effect of curiosity is UN-ENDING AGONY BECAUSE NO ONE CARES.

(Except Google. Google cares.)

So here’s a list, a short one, mind you. It tells of all the unaswered bookish questions a bookish person might have. Specifically me. 

However, it doesn’t have a single answer. Because LOL I DON’T KNOW EITHER.

  • Where is old book perfume? How do I buy old book perfume? OLD BOOK PERFUME???
  • Why is it that I spend more on bookmarks than Kim Kardashian does on earrings and yet every time I need to stop reading, an old receipt/a pen/a banana/a decaying body ends up between my pages instead?
  • How to kill reading slump except without violence or any movement because lol all I want to do is take a nap? How?
  • How to host funerals for fictional characters?
  • How to track down authors and force answers to unanswered questions out of their smug little mouths?
  • How to eat Nutella and also read? Without apocalyptic mess??
  • How to make a book a personal pet? What food does it need? Is a cage required?
  • How to make a dress out of books? 
  • How to not get arrested for stealing books?
  • Are dead fictional characters in heaven?
  • Can I make my dog eat read books?
  • Are books tasty? Or should I add whipped cream?
  • How to memorize my favorite books? All the words? All of them?

Do YOU have answers to any of these questions? TELL ME, CHUMS! I NEED CLOSURE! How many bookmarks do you have? Do you read and eat or have you given up? Have you trained your dog to read?