A Book Review of the Election of 2016

Once Upon a Time Kat ‘O Keefe blessed us with this little tweet:

Naturally, my mind began immediately converting this clever quip into a blog post. Wouldn’t it be funny, I thought. Wouldn’t it be neat if I portrayed my views on the Election of 2016 the same way I portray my views on books? Wouldn’t it be swell?

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Thus, I’m introducing my take on the Election of 2016…as if it were a book. In the same format as any ‘ol book review. 🙂

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Bookish Ouija Board! (Prepare to be SPOOKED)

BOO!

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YOU’RE SO SCARED, RIGHT? I know, I know. I’ve been told I’m a truly intimidating person. It’s alright. Dry your eyes, calm your beating heart, and prepare yourself—you’re going to be just as spooked throughout this whole post, cause it’s bookish ouija board time!
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The Reality of Life With Book Commitment Issues {Plus Step-by-Step Recovery}

{Disclaimer: This post is 89% satire, 24% Disney gifs, 5% seriousness and intelligence. Hahahaha just kidding. We’re all mad here.}

Hi, my name is Becca and I’ve been suffering from Book Commitment Issues (BCI) for ninety-eight years.

But I now know that I’m not alone. Readers across the world are pushing past this disorder, and we can too. But first, you must know if you’ve really got BCI. How can you tell? Not to worry chums, the questionnaire below will certainly shed some light on the subject.

  • Discover a beautiful novel at the bookstore, but decide to borrow it from the library rather than buy it, despite your overflowing wallet.
  • Take an eon or two before choosing which book to read after an enormous haul.
  • Wait until you’re halfway through a book before reluctantly listing it in your Goodreads’ Currently Reading pile.
  • Skim through the beginning of several books before deciding which one to dedicate your time to.

If you’ve done one or more of the actions listed above, I’m afraid to tell you, you’ve got BCI. But don’t panic! No panicking necessary! Just follow my step-by-step recovery below.



Congratulations! If you’re reading this post, you’ve already completed step one. You know you’ve got a problem—that you are currently powerless to BCI—and now you’re ready to punch that problem in the face.

Lightly.

Violence is not the answer.


Don’t let BCI control your bookish life! 

  1. Grab book.
  2. Right now.
  3. Open book.
  4. Read book.
  5. Ignore BCI.
  6. Finish book.
  7. Yay.

The road to recovery starts with one book, my friend.


Let’s think back to our questionnaire. It lists all the symptoms of BCI, and so, we must erase them. Once the symptoms are gone, the disorder is gone. I think.

  • Go out to a bookstore and buy that book you want. No borrowing. Spend your money! It’s fun!
  • Grab a book from your book haul pile, and read it RIGHT FREAKIN’ NOW.
  • As soon as you start a book, list it on Goodreads. Commitment is key.
  • Start a book, then finish it. Read or do not read, there is no skimming.


You’ve done it! You’ve defeated BCI! And, uh, if you haven’t…um…

Do you suffer from BCI? Not after this post, I hope! Though this post is entirely satirical, ‘Book Commitment Issues’ are still soooooo annoying. How to you cope with it and/or cure it? 
Also, which Disney gif is your favorite? I simply can’t decide.

Any other readerly problems you’d like me *pats back* to cure?

    Bookish Characters for President! (We Make Fun of Donald Trump a Lot)

      

      

     Hillary Clinton → Lia from The Naturals.

    Hillary Clinton’s track record? Not exactly perfect with the cell phones and emails and the etc. So the whole honesty thing? Not her best feature. Ergo, the bookish character to take her place would be Lia from The Naturals, our favorite pathological liar. With her liberal views and her loyalty, those two are practically twins!

      
    Bernie Sanders → Dumbledore from the Harry Potter books.

    THE TWO ARE BASICALLY THE SAME.

    Bernie? Let’s fix the world (or at least America)! Dumbledore? Let’s fix the world and stop Voldemort! See any difference? Neither do I. 

    There’s even a Name that Quote: Bernie or Dumbledore Edition. That’s how hard it is to tell them apart. They are the same persons. Just slap a beard on Sanders.

      

      
    Jeb Bush → Adam from Shatter Me.

    Nobody loves Adam. Nobody truly hates him either. He’s boring. He’s low energy. He doesn’t quite excite.

    Ahem. Sound familiar? 

      
    Ted Cruz → Matthew from Anne of Green Gables.

    Do they have anything in common? Hardly. BUT. They were both born in Canada.

    So.

    Ha.

      
    Marco Rubio → Frank from Since You’ve Been Gone.

    What’s the first word that comes to mind when you think of Marco Rubio? Pristine-debater-dad-person. Obviously. What’s the first word that comes to mind when you think of Frank? Pristine-debater-person. Close enough.

    Also, I thought it would be hilarious to see a Presidential candidate next to a fluffy book cover with tumblr girls. So there’s that.

      
    Donald Trump → Donald Trump.

    There is no one like this man, fictional or not. Thank Goodness.

    It’s the puncutation that gets me.

     

    Ok but tbh me as a presidential candidate.
     

    What political-bookish relations currently full your satirical little mind? Who are you voting for?