How to Challenge Your Reading Slump to a Duel (And Hopefully Win) #HamiltonReferences

Reading slumps are the work of Charles Lee (just go with it) and they need to be held accountable. They are aided by Satan and feed on the tears of readers everywhere WE CAN NOT LET IT SLIDE. (We are Hamiltons with pride)

(If you are unfamiliar with Hamilton, I apologize for the paragraph above. Please see the Ten Duel Commandments. Educate yourself, heathen.)

 
 DEMAND SATISFACTION, CHUMS. Let’s say the reading slump apologizes, let’s say it allows you to power through a book, power through to victory. Then there’s no need for further action!

But let’s say it doesn’t…

 
You can’t defeat a reading slump alone! You need a second in battle, whether it be your favorite blogger, booktuber, or the guy who sells vacuums a block away. 

If you fight, you fight with a friend and you fight with pride. 

 

They negotiate a peace—perhaps your second can find just the right books to make your reading slump surrender.

OR they negotiate a time and place. (Reading slumps are so stubborn, honestly)

 
 

Your doctor (being your favorite author, of course) can heal the most deadly of bookish scars. You pay him in advance (hardcovers sure are expensive) and treat him with civility.

You have him turn around so he can have deniability…

 
Have you ever done anything productive or worthwhile during the day? When normal folks awaken? OF COURSE NOT. We’re binging away this reading slump at night, baby.

  
Will you have any time for your friends or family when dueling a reading slump? No. Of course not. They are not only diabolical, but time consuming as well. You might as well leave a note.

Just pray that bookish hell or heaven let’s you in.

  
 
  OKAY SO YES I did spill Nutella on a book. BUT IT WAS JUST ONCE. Perhaps this my punishment. Perhaps this is why the reading slump is after me.

Well, I’m ready for the moment of adrenaline when I finally face my opponent.

  
Send in your seconds, see if they can set the record straight. For example:

My second: Satan! Hey! Can we agree that duels are dumb and immature?

Satan: Sure, but Becca has to answer for that Nutella she spilled on a book.

My second: With her bookish life? We both know that’s absurd, sir.

Satan: Hang on, how many books were slathered in Nutella because Becca was inexperienced and ruinious?

My second: Like, literally one.

Satan: Okay, so we’re doing this.

My second: Wait, but, it was literally one—

(Satan never plays fair)

 
Stare at that reading slump, summon all the courage you require. THEN COUNT:

One book 

Two books

Three books

Four books

Five books

Six books

Seven books

Eight books

Nine books

TEN BOOKS!

 
You’ve got it! You’ve finally splurged throughout enough books, you’ve finally suffered enough! You’ve found that one book that sets the world right, that makes everything okay again. You’ve found your bullet, and it’s between the ribs of your reading slump. 

 

YOU DID IT CHUMS! Have you used similar methods in murdering your reading slumps in cold blood? (This post turned out far more graphic than I meant it to be) Do get all the #HamiltonReferences? ARE YOU ALSO SLUMPIFIED?