Make it or Break it: Books as Broadway Plays

All of the bestest Broadway plays have been inspired by books. Les Miserables, Wicked, HAMILTON.

This is my opinion, and therefore a fact.

But not all books are meant to take the stage, with a chorus shuffling their pages, a dance to glorify their action. So: Broadway and books. Which would work, and which wouldn’t?

  

Soooooo. Huh.

First of all, the songs would be half-metal half-Irish folk song, resulting in a very scrumptious soundtrack. Plus, all the fight scenes could be dance duels which would be both wildly entertaining and also altogether mortifying to Broadway as a whole.

Imaginative, yes. A good idea—in part, yes. But I can’t see the plot working with a stage.

WE’RE BREAKING IT, CHUMS.

  
I think Broadway could actually make this book and its ridiculous title work! 

Think about—cute, contemporary music, a little tap choreography, and you’ve got a play that some people will go to maybe because who even pays that much to see performances anymore albeit me.

MAKE IT. Why not.

  
YES. OH, YES, OH YES.

Middle Eastern music, Silky, intimate choreography—I’m thinking the Arabian dance in the Nutcrakcer-esque.

AND THE COSTUMES. I NEED TO PLAN THE COSTUMES. The set will be gorgeous, the music will be better, and I’ll be directing choreography, thankyouverymuch.

MAKE IT TO THE MOON AND BACK. BRB going to go make a Broadway play now.

  
Meh. I don’t see it.

As a book, it works out great. It’s cute, it’s heartfelt. But on stage, everything is big. It needs to be larger than life, and yet able to see the smallest of details. This book just can’t handle that.

Sorry, break it.

So what are your Broadway favorites? Do you agree with my choices? Are there award-winning productions you have in mind? CAN YOU HIRE ME FOR THE CHOREOGRAPHY PLS??

How to Challenge Your Reading Slump to a Duel (And Hopefully Win) #HamiltonReferences

Reading slumps are the work of Charles Lee (just go with it) and they need to be held accountable. They are aided by Satan and feed on the tears of readers everywhere WE CAN NOT LET IT SLIDE. (We are Hamiltons with pride)

(If you are unfamiliar with Hamilton, I apologize for the paragraph above. Please see the Ten Duel Commandments. Educate yourself, heathen.)

 
 DEMAND SATISFACTION, CHUMS. Let’s say the reading slump apologizes, let’s say it allows you to power through a book, power through to victory. Then there’s no need for further action!

But let’s say it doesn’t…

 
You can’t defeat a reading slump alone! You need a second in battle, whether it be your favorite blogger, booktuber, or the guy who sells vacuums a block away. 

If you fight, you fight with a friend and you fight with pride. 

 

They negotiate a peace—perhaps your second can find just the right books to make your reading slump surrender.

OR they negotiate a time and place. (Reading slumps are so stubborn, honestly)

 
 

Your doctor (being your favorite author, of course) can heal the most deadly of bookish scars. You pay him in advance (hardcovers sure are expensive) and treat him with civility.

You have him turn around so he can have deniability…

 
Have you ever done anything productive or worthwhile during the day? When normal folks awaken? OF COURSE NOT. We’re binging away this reading slump at night, baby.

  
Will you have any time for your friends or family when dueling a reading slump? No. Of course not. They are not only diabolical, but time consuming as well. You might as well leave a note.

Just pray that bookish hell or heaven let’s you in.

  
 
  OKAY SO YES I did spill Nutella on a book. BUT IT WAS JUST ONCE. Perhaps this my punishment. Perhaps this is why the reading slump is after me.

Well, I’m ready for the moment of adrenaline when I finally face my opponent.

  
Send in your seconds, see if they can set the record straight. For example:

My second: Satan! Hey! Can we agree that duels are dumb and immature?

Satan: Sure, but Becca has to answer for that Nutella she spilled on a book.

My second: With her bookish life? We both know that’s absurd, sir.

Satan: Hang on, how many books were slathered in Nutella because Becca was inexperienced and ruinious?

My second: Like, literally one.

Satan: Okay, so we’re doing this.

My second: Wait, but, it was literally one—

(Satan never plays fair)

 
Stare at that reading slump, summon all the courage you require. THEN COUNT:

One book 

Two books

Three books

Four books

Five books

Six books

Seven books

Eight books

Nine books

TEN BOOKS!

 
You’ve got it! You’ve finally splurged throughout enough books, you’ve finally suffered enough! You’ve found that one book that sets the world right, that makes everything okay again. You’ve found your bullet, and it’s between the ribs of your reading slump. 

 

YOU DID IT CHUMS! Have you used similar methods in murdering your reading slumps in cold blood? (This post turned out far more graphic than I meant it to be) Do get all the #HamiltonReferences? ARE YOU ALSO SLUMPIFIED?

Book Cover Face Swapping! (SORRY LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA)

  

P. S. I Still Love You by Jenny Han & Throne of Glass by Sarah J. Maas

Ew what.

Not a horrific start! I would have been far more pleased if they were both facing the same angle, but hey, you can’t have it all.

  

Ms. Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs & Soundless by Richelle Mead

IT DIDN’T EVEN SWAP THE FACES IT JUST REARRANGED THEM DISGUSTINGLY. 

Just…why are there two faces on Soundless but a void of greenery on Ransom Rigg’s book…?

This app is crap.

  

The Winner’s Crime by Marie Rutkoski &  The Glittering Court by Richelle Mead

Someone stop me.

Let’s be honest, there have been worse face swaps.

Probably.

  

The Imposter Queen by Sarah Fine & Winger by Andrew Smith

  

I present to you…the most successful book-cover-face-swap in all of history.

THIS IS BOTH HILARIOUS AND EERILY PERFECT.

I don’t mean to sound arrogant or anything, but I’m pretty great.

  
The Bane Chronicles by Cassandra Clare & The One by Kiera Cass

Ayayayayayayayay

I was hopping Magnus Bane would help me finish with a bang…oh well. The previous face swap makes up for all the rest.

  
Lin-Manuel Miranda, I’m sorry for blatantly ignoring all your tweets of horror at the sight of face swaps. I’m perpetuating the problem. Teehee.

Book covers everywhere, I’m sorry for patronizing you beauty and lovely superficiality. 

What atrocious hilarious combinations of social media and literature would you like me to explore next? Which face swap made you feel the least amount of horrific pain?