The Way to a Raging Reader’s Heart 

There are many ways into a bookworm’s obsessive, fangirling little heart. 112% include books. Who would’ve guessed!

There are also things you should never do. These things will cause books to be hurdled at your face. There is a 113% chance that if you do these things you will never go on a date with any reader. Sorry.

Aren’t you glad I’m here to help.

 

  •  Flowers are pathetic. They wilt. They die. But books? As long as you keep them away from heathens, they last forever. Forever. Ergo, give your one true reading love a bouquet of books. I don’t just mean a bunch of books smashed into a gift bag. I mean a bouquet. One arranged and skillfully wrapped, preferably adorned with boxes of chocolates.
  • This is simple, but CRUCIAL: Read their favorite book. It doesn’t matter if you hate it, (But I mean if you actually want to go out with then you’re going to have to fake it) you just have to read it. This might seem meaningless to you, but the ability to discuss fangirl and flail with another will seem monumental to them.
  • A reader’s life is very busy. Firstly, they’ve got actual life which is tremendously inconvenient. Secondly, they’ve got so many books flooding their shelves, many of them yet to be read. Here’s the thing about those shelves—dust happens. No matter how often the said reader goes and reads those books or rearranges those shelves, dust triumphs. Solution? Become a bookshelf-dusting slave. If you’re on a roll you can clean their bathrooms too.
  • And finally, buy them a used bookstore. This might seem a little excessive. It is. But if you’re truly rich in love with this reader of yours, then this is a lovely gesture for Valentine’s Day. Or Christmas. Or their birthday. Or Groundhog’s Day. 

  

  • A reader’s mind revolves around books. That’s sort of the point. Because of this, they have many outlandish bookish ideas, such as a bouquet of book. What should you do? Accept this. Bookworm’s are crazy. We are aware of this. Do not scorn their bookish ideas. Do not mock them. Do not even playfully tease them. Reader’s are skilled at revenge. I say this for your own safety.
  • It doesn’t matter if it’s a priceless book or just from the library, don’t ever damage any book ever. Okay, accidents happen. I may have gotten a little Nutella on some pages once. But never carelessly throw around books like they’re meaningless. Someone spent years to create that masterpiece, and the least you can do is respect it.
  • Dusting books for a reader is great! But do not move a single book. Do not, under any circumstances, reorganize their bookshelf. That’s like reorganizing their brain. Or their heart. Or their large intensitie. It’s painful and unnecessary and DON’T DO IT.
  • 89% of what a reader does revolves around books. So don’t be an idiot and not not take them to a bookstore as a date. Sure, a movie might seem like fun for you. Truth be told, it’ll probably be fine for the reader as well. But a bookstore? That’s magic. 

Look at that! You have all you need in order to woo the reader in your life, and just in time for Valentine’s Day. You’re welcome.

Are you a reader or have you/are you dating one? Are my lists 114% accurate. (Of course they are. Don’t be ridiculous.)